I am writing this blog in memory of our brother's Nykolas And Mateo.
Nykolas Danger and Mateo Parra were an extraordinary couple who touched many peoples lives. Mateo had fallen ill in 2013 and was getting better. Mateo and Nykolas both loved animals. Nykolas helped with the Reptile Rescue of the Carolinas, loved to cook, grow his own vegetables and being outside.
On Jan. 8th I found out through a mutual friend that they were both found dead in bed. Details on the cause are not know but from word around social media, foul play was not involved.
I say we do not focus on their deaths but on the positive, happiness and friendships that they offered and the positive influence they have had on the trans community and the world.
Sleep Peacefully Brothers.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Mirror why do you hate me?
Why do you hate me, every time I look in the mirror I see the gender I do not want to, why do you show me this?
I hate looking in the mirror, after showering or even brushing my hair, my chest and face show the opposite gender than what I am.
I know I am not alone, but when I see this reflection, it hurts deep down. My inner self knows that I am a male but my outer self says other wise.
I hate looking in the mirror, after showering or even brushing my hair, my chest and face show the opposite gender than what I am.
I know I am not alone, but when I see this reflection, it hurts deep down. My inner self knows that I am a male but my outer self says other wise.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Hate,, in the FTM Community and Against the Ftm community and more.
Hate, a strong and powerful word we sometimes use too often about this or that. This blog is a very serious blog for me to write because I have "hated" on myself and others for so long in my life that I now am trying to see past the hate and see how people are feeling about things. There are two people I cannot look past their hate because they are outrageously pronounced in the community with hate against FTM's and yes I am talking about Dirtywhiteboi67 aka dirt, and 7blunts7. They made their opinion clear that they do not like us, making our videos or posting our blogs, because to them this is a fad/ to us this is our lives. I personally look at dirt's blog every couple of months to see if I was put on there because I write a blog, and have a vlog that I do. 7 blunts 7 thinks that transitioning is becoming a fad and that people are doing it to "look cool". I made it perfectly clear when they came out with their video their opinion is their's but I am not a fad chaser and I do not believe that anyone would transition for a fad with all the therapy, and hormones and surgeries.
The next thing on this I want to talk about is FTM rooms on facebook. There are genderqueer/nongender people who are more masculine that have been kicked out of these rooms because they do not identify as male on their personal facebook because of one reason or another. You tossing people out of the rooms is showing hate, trans* is an umbrella of people not just ftm or mtf.
Body Shaming.... I do it constantly to myself and I found that I have to get myself how I want to see myself, and stop blaming this or that for the way I look and telling myself I am who I am and I will fix what I do not like but I will accept myself as I am until I am the way I want.
Chick Fil A- now come on that is just ridiculous that this even has to be said why show support to a company that will not hire an FTM, (they refused to hire me when they ask what I wished to be called and I said Jaxx instead of my real name and they asked why and I was honest.).
Stigmas/ Stereotypes.... Why do stereotypes even still exist???? Ugh, I have heard that oh trans* men are all the same they only care about how they "pass" and how big their "bulge" is. I care if I am perceived as male because I am misgendered a lot living in Kentucky being pre-hormones and pre-surgery and even after I correct them they refuse to use my correct pronouns. And to clear up a rumor if you start T and take your prescribed dose, and get your levels checked you have less of a chance of experiencing roid rage.
Partners can label their selves the way they want, my wife is genderqueer but when it comes to pronouns she prefers female, and is queer when asked about sexuality. I learned that not every couple that is male and female has to be labeled straight.
I hope this sinks in to some people that it is ridiculous that we are hating on others when we should be trying to support each other for what ever differences we may have from each other.
The next thing on this I want to talk about is FTM rooms on facebook. There are genderqueer/nongender people who are more masculine that have been kicked out of these rooms because they do not identify as male on their personal facebook because of one reason or another. You tossing people out of the rooms is showing hate, trans* is an umbrella of people not just ftm or mtf.
Body Shaming.... I do it constantly to myself and I found that I have to get myself how I want to see myself, and stop blaming this or that for the way I look and telling myself I am who I am and I will fix what I do not like but I will accept myself as I am until I am the way I want.
Chick Fil A- now come on that is just ridiculous that this even has to be said why show support to a company that will not hire an FTM, (they refused to hire me when they ask what I wished to be called and I said Jaxx instead of my real name and they asked why and I was honest.).
Stigmas/ Stereotypes.... Why do stereotypes even still exist???? Ugh, I have heard that oh trans* men are all the same they only care about how they "pass" and how big their "bulge" is. I care if I am perceived as male because I am misgendered a lot living in Kentucky being pre-hormones and pre-surgery and even after I correct them they refuse to use my correct pronouns. And to clear up a rumor if you start T and take your prescribed dose, and get your levels checked you have less of a chance of experiencing roid rage.
Partners can label their selves the way they want, my wife is genderqueer but when it comes to pronouns she prefers female, and is queer when asked about sexuality. I learned that not every couple that is male and female has to be labeled straight.
I hope this sinks in to some people that it is ridiculous that we are hating on others when we should be trying to support each other for what ever differences we may have from each other.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
DOMA IS DEAD ...
Congrats to any and all gay or lesbians that may read this post. DOMA is Dead.
Now onto my feelings on this and many other things of this nature. DOMA does not directly impact the transgender community. People think about it now GAYS AND LESBIANS GET MARRIED. No where in that statement does it say that the Trans* community has to stop fighting so hard to be who they want to be and it pisses me off. This is why people say GLB community now because they believe that the T is silent, well I got news for you IT IS NOT SILENT AND WILL NOT BE SILENCED. As a transgender male who has zero money to change their name/gender marker, or start hormone replacement therapy and cannot get top surgery. I cannot see myself standing in front of a gay flag anymore any straight cis man can. I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OH THAT IS A LESBIAN, NO I AM A STRAIGHT TRANS MALE AND I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT TO BE SEEN THAT WAY, WHILE ALL CIS GENDER PEOPLE CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES AND NOT HATE THEIR BODY THE WAY I DO EACH AND EVERYDAY.
Now onto my feelings on this and many other things of this nature. DOMA does not directly impact the transgender community. People think about it now GAYS AND LESBIANS GET MARRIED. No where in that statement does it say that the Trans* community has to stop fighting so hard to be who they want to be and it pisses me off. This is why people say GLB community now because they believe that the T is silent, well I got news for you IT IS NOT SILENT AND WILL NOT BE SILENCED. As a transgender male who has zero money to change their name/gender marker, or start hormone replacement therapy and cannot get top surgery. I cannot see myself standing in front of a gay flag anymore any straight cis man can. I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OH THAT IS A LESBIAN, NO I AM A STRAIGHT TRANS MALE AND I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT TO BE SEEN THAT WAY, WHILE ALL CIS GENDER PEOPLE CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES AND NOT HATE THEIR BODY THE WAY I DO EACH AND EVERYDAY.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Trans Wear Part 1......Point 5 cc T-shirt company.
I know there are a few people who have t-shirts out there for sale, to raise money for surgeries needed but I want to start with Aydian and Jenilee Dowding's Company Point 5 cc t-shirts.
These 2 people are amazing in what they do, they hand make the shirts, and they are now even traveling to pride events, and the Philly Trans Health Conference (which is this weekend June 13-15). I purchase 2 shirts from their throwback collections which are 50% off. They also offer for people who cannot afford a binder a way to get one with no charge because people have donated ones that were either too small or large for them, or no longer needed since surgery. Once a year they take I believe 75 % if not more to one person a who enters to win the money towards their top surgery. I believe this is amazing that people who take time out of their day to do things to make another's life better is rare and should be acknowledged. I have watched everyone of Aydian's YouTube video's under ALionsFear. I personally donated I believe two binders that were way to small for me and will continue to support an amazing company.
The website is: http://www.point5cctshirtcompany.webs.com
A list of the things on there for sale are:
shirts: at least 20 different shirts.
and now boxers.
I do not know if they will be bringing back the hats or sweatshirts because they currently say sold out but if they do I plan on purchasing those quickly.
-Jaxon-
These 2 people are amazing in what they do, they hand make the shirts, and they are now even traveling to pride events, and the Philly Trans Health Conference (which is this weekend June 13-15). I purchase 2 shirts from their throwback collections which are 50% off. They also offer for people who cannot afford a binder a way to get one with no charge because people have donated ones that were either too small or large for them, or no longer needed since surgery. Once a year they take I believe 75 % if not more to one person a who enters to win the money towards their top surgery. I believe this is amazing that people who take time out of their day to do things to make another's life better is rare and should be acknowledged. I have watched everyone of Aydian's YouTube video's under ALionsFear. I personally donated I believe two binders that were way to small for me and will continue to support an amazing company.
The website is: http://www.point5cctshirtcompany.webs.com
A list of the things on there for sale are:
shirts: at least 20 different shirts.
and now boxers.
I do not know if they will be bringing back the hats or sweatshirts because they currently say sold out but if they do I plan on purchasing those quickly.
-Jaxon-
Friday, June 7, 2013
coming out... and being outed.
Coming out is hard once, some of us who are trans have to come out twice. Not saying that everyone who is trans* has come out as gay or lesbian before coming out as Trans*, but the handful on people that I know in person and the other handful of people that I watch on YouTube all seem to say that they had to have a second coming out. When I was 18 I told my step-mother that I was a "lesbian" she than turned and outed me to my entire family before I even walked 5 blocks to my grandmothers house, where I lived ( by the way this was on Mothers Day too). My family said this was a private matter and I should keep it a secret. Now that's where they and I differ. I was at every pride event I could find my way to, I was proud to be out, I thought I had finally figured out why I felt the way I did. After speaking with my friend Chance on multiple occasions about him being trans* I had questioned myself if I was trans*.... After doing years of research in January 2011 I came out to my family and friends that I was trans* and that I would not be answering to she anymore. When my now ex-girlfriend Ashley helped me pick my name I had two names in mind, Jackson Thomas Eclipse or Michael Thomas Eclipse. Thomas had to be in my name because of not only my cousin whom I looked up to but TOMMY the GREEN RANGER/ WHITE RANGER, and Eclipse because I live the Twilight films and when there is a solar eclipse it is just fascinating. When my ex chose Jaxx spelled differently from how I originally wanted to spell it I thought it was a great idea. Soon after I found out she was dating my roommate behind my back and things went south. I met my wife Beth through Chance and she knew about trans* things and was very accepting of me. After I moved to Kentucky, I got into a fight with my ex and she yelled about choosing my name so Beth and I tried to change my name to Evan but it just would not stick to me. Jaxx was the name that stuck because it was a good suit for me. I changed it up so that Jaxx would be short for Jaxon. When I first started YouTube I had made a video where I read a letter that I had wrote about coming out ( the video had to be deleted because of transphobic harassment on youtube). The letter was this :
"To Whom it May Concern:
I first want to thank you all for being here for me through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad. Secondly I want to let you know I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart. I know many if not all have found that I am changing my name from Patricia Beatrice Guyon to Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. What does this mean you may ask. The most this means is that I am beginning to transition myself from female to male. I've always felt like I was in the wrong body, I wasn't going through a tom boy stage. I resisted coming out as transgender since I was about 15-16 years old when I first heard the word. I have already begun a natural supplement to start the transitioning process with. I've done a ton of research and have joined a group that is supporting me emotionally. The group can be found on FaceBook under GENDERFUKBOIZ (which has closed down since). My close friend and Trans Male mentor Chance is the founder of the website. I am not doing this to hurt anyone, just trying to make myself feel more complete. Nothing is really changing inside I've always felt like a man, its just the outside changing. My voice will start to become deeper soon. I am not expecting everyone to just up and immediately call em jaxx or him but i would appreciate at least trying. I know many are either in shock or may be emotionally hurt by my decision but please realize I can no longer live in the mold I was born with. Dad don't think of this as a way to hurt you or make you mad. Think of it as you are getting the son you always wanted. As for the children in the family, I do not plan on telling you what to tell your children or if you'll even let me near them after this but according to PFLAG children don't usually need any type of mental help to make them understand and except transitioning. Some of the older children may need to be reassured its not contagious and hardly ever inherited. Some parents tell their childrem its like a Halloween costume that you can never take off. "
After my step-mother outed me to my whole family I had problems with each of them about my choice to come out and not let my feelings stay hidden. In 2011 I worked for Walmart I was outed by a coworker who found out because she walked into the HR Office when I was talking about which bathroom to use. The HR manager told me that if I was caught using the males rest room I would be fired and fined. I was threatened by customers for using the Female restrooms. I was also threatened by a coworker that he was going to kill me because the workers wanted to start with me and I reported her, and that I was a freak because "i could never be a 'real' man like him".
This is my story. If you would like to share yours feel free to leave it in a comment below.
--Jaxon--
"To Whom it May Concern:
I first want to thank you all for being here for me through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad. Secondly I want to let you know I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart. I know many if not all have found that I am changing my name from Patricia Beatrice Guyon to Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. What does this mean you may ask. The most this means is that I am beginning to transition myself from female to male. I've always felt like I was in the wrong body, I wasn't going through a tom boy stage. I resisted coming out as transgender since I was about 15-16 years old when I first heard the word. I have already begun a natural supplement to start the transitioning process with. I've done a ton of research and have joined a group that is supporting me emotionally. The group can be found on FaceBook under GENDERFUKBOIZ (which has closed down since). My close friend and Trans Male mentor Chance is the founder of the website. I am not doing this to hurt anyone, just trying to make myself feel more complete. Nothing is really changing inside I've always felt like a man, its just the outside changing. My voice will start to become deeper soon. I am not expecting everyone to just up and immediately call em jaxx or him but i would appreciate at least trying. I know many are either in shock or may be emotionally hurt by my decision but please realize I can no longer live in the mold I was born with. Dad don't think of this as a way to hurt you or make you mad. Think of it as you are getting the son you always wanted. As for the children in the family, I do not plan on telling you what to tell your children or if you'll even let me near them after this but according to PFLAG children don't usually need any type of mental help to make them understand and except transitioning. Some of the older children may need to be reassured its not contagious and hardly ever inherited. Some parents tell their childrem its like a Halloween costume that you can never take off. "
After my step-mother outed me to my whole family I had problems with each of them about my choice to come out and not let my feelings stay hidden. In 2011 I worked for Walmart I was outed by a coworker who found out because she walked into the HR Office when I was talking about which bathroom to use. The HR manager told me that if I was caught using the males rest room I would be fired and fined. I was threatened by customers for using the Female restrooms. I was also threatened by a coworker that he was going to kill me because the workers wanted to start with me and I reported her, and that I was a freak because "i could never be a 'real' man like him".
This is my story. If you would like to share yours feel free to leave it in a comment below.
--Jaxon--
STAND TO PEE (STP) and PACKERS US GUYS BEST FRIENDS
How hard is it to have to use the bathroom in public when you have no STP, or going out somewhere in nice fitting jeans and a woman(or man) looking at your crotch for a bulge and you don't have one because your not packing. I know how hard both of these are because I do not pack and I do not use STPs very often because I have problems with shaking, from seizures. I have done some research and come up with a list of packers and STP that are out there on the market. This is only a small selection of them that I have found reviews on.
STPs
STP Fitz
Fenis
Number 1
PeeCock
Pissin' Passin' Packer
Mango-- Reviews I have seen have been that customers have not received products that they have paid for, and have not gotten money returned.
Medicine Spoon
Go Girl
Urinall
The Travel Mate
P Style
Mr. Fenis
The Whiz
Freshette
Lady J
Urinelle
Whizzy
Magic Cone
Soft Packers that I found are
Mr. Limpy
Mr. Right
Masho
Sailor Soft Pack
Private Packer
Bella Soft Packer
Mr. Softie
The Pack and Play packers I have found are
Lola Jake
Reel Magic
Like Real
FTM Prosthetic
Emisil Prosthetic
T2 Prosthetic
The Ultimat Prosthetic
Shilo
Tantus pack and play VIP
Super SOft
Silky
Bendy
Porter
Danny
If you know of any others please feel free to leave them in a comment below.
--jaxon
STPs
STP Fitz
Fenis
Number 1
PeeCock
Pissin' Passin' Packer
Mango-- Reviews I have seen have been that customers have not received products that they have paid for, and have not gotten money returned.
Medicine Spoon
Go Girl
Urinall
The Travel Mate
P Style
Mr. Fenis
The Whiz
Freshette
Lady J
Urinelle
Whizzy
Magic Cone
Soft Packers that I found are
Mr. Limpy
Mr. Right
Masho
Sailor Soft Pack
Private Packer
Bella Soft Packer
Mr. Softie
The Pack and Play packers I have found are
Lola Jake
Reel Magic
Like Real
FTM Prosthetic
Emisil Prosthetic
T2 Prosthetic
The Ultimat Prosthetic
Shilo
Tantus pack and play VIP
Super SOft
Silky
Bendy
Porter
Danny
If you know of any others please feel free to leave them in a comment below.
--jaxon
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