Sex.... Consent... Rape.... and more....

     Sex... A topic we all talk about at some point or another.  Sex can mean more to some people than it does to some others.  For transgender FTMs it is harder subject than for many other males, and harder than it is for some if not most females to talk about. Being diagnosed with PTSD I have a great deal to speak on this with.

      Before you jump in bed with anyone you need to be able to communicate with them, get to know them, know what they want, how they want to be treated, do they like certain things or not.  For trans* guys like myself you might not like certain words, touches, and your partner would not know this if you do not tell them.  Dan Savage has said to use the four magic words, "What do you like"... its not hard to ask because without this you can make your partner freeze up and lose the moment you were in. I am going to say this for the partners ASK THAT BEFORE ANYTHING, YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR TRANS* PARTNER MORE DYSPHORIC THAN THEY MAY ALREADY BE.  I dont wanna sound like a douche with this, I just want to get my point across. 

      Make sure you have consent from both you and your partner before doing anything. If you or the other person are under the influence of drugs or alcohol the better thing to do is not to have sex. You don't know if they or you will remember giving consent, did you use protection, and if the partner was drunk or high when giving consent, they can say they did not give consent and claim they were raped. 

     In 2008 my neighbor, in a city apartment, broke into my apartment after I had been out drinking with friends across the street and he raped me. I was still under the legal drinking age, and when I reported it to the hospital I was sat in a room by myself for 8 hours waiting for a transfer by police to a hospital that could do the rape kit because METHODIST hospital in Philadelphia did not have the equipment to do it. When I arrived at Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia I waited another Hour. By this time the sample they got was small and unable to be positively tested against the guy. The Special Victims Detective took my statement and the clothing I was wearing. After 6 months I was called to court to testify against my neighbor, they called my friends in to collaborate with him that I was drunk and that I could not be trusted, because of pass use of Weed, and Cocaine. My case was thrown out and I was told I had to attend drug and alcohol counseling for a year. The point of me telling you this story of my life is that I personally had this experience and when I reported it, my past use of drugs ruined my life, I was the person who could not be trusted and kicked out of  my apartment onto the streets. 

       Things many do not think of this when in bed, but have you noticed you mention things in a sexual way when things are getting heated up?
For your transmale partner, he may want you to not touch or mention his chest if he is pre operation,  and if he is not bottom dysphoric and lets you mess around down there and you wanna talk about it when you are having foreplay he may want you to call is dick, and talk about how hard he is... not what is really there. 

--Jaxon--'

PS... People do not be shy, if you see anything you want to comment on feel free

TRANS* MYTHS.....WHY DO THESE THING EXIST....

1. Being transgender is a choice.---- why would someone choose this for their life? The surgeries, the dysphoria, the wrong gendering?? possible one of the stupidest myths ever!
2. Gender and sexuality are the same thing. how is being a male and being straight  the same thing? 
3. All trans people are men in dresses. umm- i am a man and I am not ever gonna be caught in a dress.
4. Trans people can't have families.- so i dont have a family??? hmm thats news to me I have my wife.
5. Trans people are just transvestites.
6. All trans people are really gay.I am not gay.
7. All trans men are butch/extremely masculine and all trans women are extremely feminine. I am a trans man and I have a feminine 
8. All trans women have breast implants.do you not know about hormones?
9. Trans women are all sex workers.i know plenty that aren't
10. Trans women transition just to have access to more sex partners.fucked up to say that someone would change their whole body to a different sex just for more sexual partners.
11. All trans people are male-to-female; female-to-male trans people don't exist...... since when do I not exist? I thought I was a real boy. lol 
12. All trans people want surgery. not true, i know of some that never get surgery.
13. You aren't a real trans person if you don't want surgery.not true.. you are trans if you identify as the opposite gender than you were born
14. Being a trans person is extremely rare. I know more trans people than i can count, maybe not in person but if we were counting just knowing in person I could say I know about 10...
15. You aren't really a trans person until you start HRT.Im not a real person... someone pinch me I dont believe it..
16. All trans people are sex addicts.
17. All trans people are interested in sex.
18. Trans women transition because they weren't successful as a male. not true
19. Trans men transition because they weren't successful as a female. i was successful but I was never happy
20. Trans women want equality just so they can sneak into women's bathrooms or other women's-only areas.
21. If you don't feel like your gender was wrong from a very early age, you aren't a real trans person.some people dont know until later in life.
22. It's always just a phase. It can be cured by religion, drugs, peer pressure, etc.if it could be fixed my family would have found a way because i am an embarrassment to them
23. Everyone is trans in the same way. 
24. Trans men transition to get male privilege and trans women try to gain female privilege while retaining male privilege.
25. People are trans solely because of poor parental role models.not true. I had role models in every type and i still am trans..
26. People are trans because they aren't religious enough. i grew up catholic, fought with every priest i met. i am Buddhist.
27. Your outer shell defines who you are.if it did im screwed 
28. Your genitalia define who you are.hahahhahaha whatever
29. Being transgendered automatically means going to Hell.what if you dont believe in heaven or hell
30. All trans people think/act the same way.
31. Trans people aren't "real" men/women. what is a real man or woman? 
32. Only rich, privileged people are transgender.im poorer than dirt and I am trans.
33. Trans people are protected under federal anti-discrimination laws in the U.S. there are trans discrimination laws in some states
34. Trans people can be cured by conversion therapy.for the last time THERE IS NO CURE. JUST LET US TRANSITION
35. Gender is just an abstract concept so transition is not necessary and always misguided.
36. Feminists who believe in deconstructing gender will always support trans women.
37. Cis-gendered people won't keep moving the goalposts as soon as you reach them.
38. People who want GRS are simply amputation fetishists.
39. If you want GRS, this is a type of self-harm or self-mutilation, removing "healthy" tissue.
40. Trans people are just like anorexics - they are simply deluded about their own bodies being "wrong".
41. It is okay to allow transphobia and cissexism to continue because being trans is somehow wrong/evil/sinful.
42. Psychology invented transexualism as a way to make queer and gender non-conforming people into straight, conforming people.
43. Being in an unaltered body is more moral than being in an altered one.
44. Being trans is just like being schizophrenic - they are both just hallucinations and delusions, so transition should be prohibited.
45. Gender is either masculine or feminine; trans people are just confused between the two.
46. There are no religions which accept being trans.
47. Teens and younger people are not old enough to know their gender identity.
48. Trans people are deceiving others about their "true" gender.
49. Your sex can be clearly defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
50. Transsexual, transgender, transvestite and intersex are all the same thing.NOT TRUE

What makes a Family...

If you ask any number of adults who go to church and live a "normal" life they will point a family is a man and women who get married, and have children. Some people may say we do not fit in such a family. Families can be shaken to the core with the slightest little effort. We do not fit into today's gender assigned roles because we know that our bodies are wrong, and are methods of fixing them are right, when in society's mind we are "perfect" the way we are and "god" (if you believe in one) made you that way.
The roles of family in my perspective and many other trans* people I have met is that yes there is blood family who may or may not except you, may or may not call you by your chosen name, may or may not use correct pronouns, but there is family that you make on your own. Ru Paul said it best at the season finale: us being the way we are.. we "get to choose our family" and those we keep "near" to us. Do you consider someone who publicly ridicules you and your life because you are trans* family? I did, worst mistake of my life, I tried to be there for this person and she completely made my life into her little joke. She even made fun of our Trans* sisters who are street workers because in her words "Its wrong for trannies to work the street like a normal woman." I went from calm cool and collected to a raving maniac when I seen that posted on facebook. I told her how disrespectful it was for her to use that term, and how she was disrespecting people who are my family. I got this as an email when I first came out. (the *** is my former name, this individual is one who refuses to change to see me as their male cousin) r u serious *** writing shit like that on fb to me like i dont care about what are never did ight i had to fight for you all high school my point was think of your family and gmom seeing that ... noone is embarased by u ok but you dont need to share the details with the whole fb
I have been since told that I am worthless, no good, a loser, and that I was dead, most of which came straight outta my fathers mouth. I lost my mother at the age of 5 but I know she would accept me for who I am because her cousins and some of her family have accepted me. I have a brother who does not dare ever speak my name that he knows me by because he does not want to listen to me as he has a cousin of ours that told every one on my mothers side that I was a junkie and trying to rob my grandfather. (I also have 2 half brothers that are younger than me)
I have 2 stepbrother -one dead(thankfully) and one who is alive and changing his ways daily. The one who died, had sexually assaulted me everyday from the age of 5 to the age of 8.The one who is alive, put me in an oven and was a member of the KKK. My grandmother had gotten me from a bad situation but it did not get easier than.I did not have a childhood. I was a book worm because I had to be. I wasn't allowed away from the house, I began to drink when I was very young because my uncle would give me Windsor Whiskey and I would chase it with water.
Is it family to watch you go down hill and not help? No. My family seen my troubles, seen how bad I was hurting, in 2008 and was on the street because of weed and coke use,and alcohol, I asked for help they wouldn't. It took one of my very best friends Austin to help me. He helped me clean myself off the coke, but the alcohol and weed were a daily thing for us.I was accused of stealing money from a friend Jay, and was kicked back out on the streets. I seen my father as I was standing on a corner with my stuff and not a place to go. He let me stay in his living room for about a month, I started working and he didn't like that I was not giving him my check as I was trying to save for a place of my own. He hit me with a crutch across my back and told me to never come back there again. I called a coworker that I had became great friends Anne and her roommate Keith, I asked if I could rent space from them because Anne had just gotten fired because Kmart was closing and they needed the help with rent. Thankfully a friend rescued me.
In 2010 I went to Norwalk, Ohio to meet Audrianna that I had become partners with online through myspace. Anne was holding my stuff because I was planning on only being 2 weeks. I was beat very badly out there by Audi (as she called herself.) I called my family from there and begged for help my uncle who got me drinking came but told me he could only help me with 50 dollars because he was going across the states for work and couldn't take me with him. My father and the rest of my family wouldn't help get me out of there. Audi took the 50 dollars my uncle gave me and snapped my cell phone in half. I used the neighbors phone to call Anne who at this time had to find a new place for my stuff and thankfully our friend Chance had taken it to keep it safe. Anne paid for the ticket to get me back to Philadelphia pa and than met me to take me back to norristown where we were living. It was hard traveling back around strangers after what had happened and I was crying because I didn't know if I was going to have a place to stay when I got back. I couldn't even be around people I did not know without Anne around for the longest time because I was scared and would have my back to the wall crying. Anne was like my sister. Chance was like my brother, when I got back he was one of the first people I had seen, when Anne took me to a bar to see if I could be around people.
In 2011 I had finally calmed down enough to try to start talking to people again. Amanda S. played me for a fool after meeting her online, Ashley H. and Anne had dated around the same time me and Amanda S. were, Ashley H. tried to be my friend when Amanda hurt me and when she felt it could be more she told me she dumped Anne for me. Well after a month or 2 I found out she was still dating anne while with me. They were playing games with my head. Finally after all the wasted time I found Beth, through Chance as a mutual friend on facebook and we hit it off well, except I fucked up in the beginning because I never thought it would work because there is an 11 year age difference and was thousand of miles between us(i think) I had cheated with a girl who was not worth it. Joanne... Beth found out and we have had our spouts about it and we have come out stronger because of it.
What I am trying to say with this long ramble is that I've shown what blood family can do for you and to you as well as what chosen family can do for you and to you. Beth and I are getting married, She supports all my transition and has helped out with my family issues.


--Jaxon--

Introduction.. Jaxon

      My name is Jaxon, I am a 25 year old transgender male. I have not started Hormone Replacement  Therapy (H.R.T.).  I am doing this blog to help people with everything they may have questions on. I also do a YouTube channel. I have a beautiful wife,Beth, who is may help by doing blogs about the partners point of view with how partners feel with things said to them about their transgender partner. 

     I am originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and now live in Shelbyville, Kentucky with my wife and her parents. We are planning on moving to Louisville, Kentucky at some point in the near future. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. I have been through a lot in my past. In short, I have lost my mother at 5 years old, I have had an abusive upbringing, and sexual assaults. In 2008 I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor who broke into my apartment, than in 2010 I was in a very bad relationship and I had been beaten very badly. 

      I will get into each topic a little more in detail as well as other topics that you and others have come to me with. I have a list and more keep coming with time. I hope you all find this page to be interesting and helpful to answer questions that you may have. 

--Jaxon--