Why do you hate me, every time I look in the mirror I see the gender I do not want to, why do you show me this?
I hate looking in the mirror, after showering or even brushing my hair, my chest and face show the opposite gender than what I am.
I know I am not alone, but when I see this reflection, it hurts deep down. My inner self knows that I am a male but my outer self says other wise.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Hate,, in the FTM Community and Against the Ftm community and more.
Hate, a strong and powerful word we sometimes use too often about this or that. This blog is a very serious blog for me to write because I have "hated" on myself and others for so long in my life that I now am trying to see past the hate and see how people are feeling about things. There are two people I cannot look past their hate because they are outrageously pronounced in the community with hate against FTM's and yes I am talking about Dirtywhiteboi67 aka dirt, and 7blunts7. They made their opinion clear that they do not like us, making our videos or posting our blogs, because to them this is a fad/ to us this is our lives. I personally look at dirt's blog every couple of months to see if I was put on there because I write a blog, and have a vlog that I do. 7 blunts 7 thinks that transitioning is becoming a fad and that people are doing it to "look cool". I made it perfectly clear when they came out with their video their opinion is their's but I am not a fad chaser and I do not believe that anyone would transition for a fad with all the therapy, and hormones and surgeries.
The next thing on this I want to talk about is FTM rooms on facebook. There are genderqueer/nongender people who are more masculine that have been kicked out of these rooms because they do not identify as male on their personal facebook because of one reason or another. You tossing people out of the rooms is showing hate, trans* is an umbrella of people not just ftm or mtf.
Body Shaming.... I do it constantly to myself and I found that I have to get myself how I want to see myself, and stop blaming this or that for the way I look and telling myself I am who I am and I will fix what I do not like but I will accept myself as I am until I am the way I want.
Chick Fil A- now come on that is just ridiculous that this even has to be said why show support to a company that will not hire an FTM, (they refused to hire me when they ask what I wished to be called and I said Jaxx instead of my real name and they asked why and I was honest.).
Stigmas/ Stereotypes.... Why do stereotypes even still exist???? Ugh, I have heard that oh trans* men are all the same they only care about how they "pass" and how big their "bulge" is. I care if I am perceived as male because I am misgendered a lot living in Kentucky being pre-hormones and pre-surgery and even after I correct them they refuse to use my correct pronouns. And to clear up a rumor if you start T and take your prescribed dose, and get your levels checked you have less of a chance of experiencing roid rage.
Partners can label their selves the way they want, my wife is genderqueer but when it comes to pronouns she prefers female, and is queer when asked about sexuality. I learned that not every couple that is male and female has to be labeled straight.
I hope this sinks in to some people that it is ridiculous that we are hating on others when we should be trying to support each other for what ever differences we may have from each other.
The next thing on this I want to talk about is FTM rooms on facebook. There are genderqueer/nongender people who are more masculine that have been kicked out of these rooms because they do not identify as male on their personal facebook because of one reason or another. You tossing people out of the rooms is showing hate, trans* is an umbrella of people not just ftm or mtf.
Body Shaming.... I do it constantly to myself and I found that I have to get myself how I want to see myself, and stop blaming this or that for the way I look and telling myself I am who I am and I will fix what I do not like but I will accept myself as I am until I am the way I want.
Chick Fil A- now come on that is just ridiculous that this even has to be said why show support to a company that will not hire an FTM, (they refused to hire me when they ask what I wished to be called and I said Jaxx instead of my real name and they asked why and I was honest.).
Stigmas/ Stereotypes.... Why do stereotypes even still exist???? Ugh, I have heard that oh trans* men are all the same they only care about how they "pass" and how big their "bulge" is. I care if I am perceived as male because I am misgendered a lot living in Kentucky being pre-hormones and pre-surgery and even after I correct them they refuse to use my correct pronouns. And to clear up a rumor if you start T and take your prescribed dose, and get your levels checked you have less of a chance of experiencing roid rage.
Partners can label their selves the way they want, my wife is genderqueer but when it comes to pronouns she prefers female, and is queer when asked about sexuality. I learned that not every couple that is male and female has to be labeled straight.
I hope this sinks in to some people that it is ridiculous that we are hating on others when we should be trying to support each other for what ever differences we may have from each other.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
DOMA IS DEAD ...
Congrats to any and all gay or lesbians that may read this post. DOMA is Dead.
Now onto my feelings on this and many other things of this nature. DOMA does not directly impact the transgender community. People think about it now GAYS AND LESBIANS GET MARRIED. No where in that statement does it say that the Trans* community has to stop fighting so hard to be who they want to be and it pisses me off. This is why people say GLB community now because they believe that the T is silent, well I got news for you IT IS NOT SILENT AND WILL NOT BE SILENCED. As a transgender male who has zero money to change their name/gender marker, or start hormone replacement therapy and cannot get top surgery. I cannot see myself standing in front of a gay flag anymore any straight cis man can. I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OH THAT IS A LESBIAN, NO I AM A STRAIGHT TRANS MALE AND I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT TO BE SEEN THAT WAY, WHILE ALL CIS GENDER PEOPLE CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES AND NOT HATE THEIR BODY THE WAY I DO EACH AND EVERYDAY.
Now onto my feelings on this and many other things of this nature. DOMA does not directly impact the transgender community. People think about it now GAYS AND LESBIANS GET MARRIED. No where in that statement does it say that the Trans* community has to stop fighting so hard to be who they want to be and it pisses me off. This is why people say GLB community now because they believe that the T is silent, well I got news for you IT IS NOT SILENT AND WILL NOT BE SILENCED. As a transgender male who has zero money to change their name/gender marker, or start hormone replacement therapy and cannot get top surgery. I cannot see myself standing in front of a gay flag anymore any straight cis man can. I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS OH THAT IS A LESBIAN, NO I AM A STRAIGHT TRANS MALE AND I STILL HAVE TO FIGHT TO BE SEEN THAT WAY, WHILE ALL CIS GENDER PEOPLE CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES AND NOT HATE THEIR BODY THE WAY I DO EACH AND EVERYDAY.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Trans Wear Part 1......Point 5 cc T-shirt company.
I know there are a few people who have t-shirts out there for sale, to raise money for surgeries needed but I want to start with Aydian and Jenilee Dowding's Company Point 5 cc t-shirts.
These 2 people are amazing in what they do, they hand make the shirts, and they are now even traveling to pride events, and the Philly Trans Health Conference (which is this weekend June 13-15). I purchase 2 shirts from their throwback collections which are 50% off. They also offer for people who cannot afford a binder a way to get one with no charge because people have donated ones that were either too small or large for them, or no longer needed since surgery. Once a year they take I believe 75 % if not more to one person a who enters to win the money towards their top surgery. I believe this is amazing that people who take time out of their day to do things to make another's life better is rare and should be acknowledged. I have watched everyone of Aydian's YouTube video's under ALionsFear. I personally donated I believe two binders that were way to small for me and will continue to support an amazing company.
The website is: http://www.point5cctshirtcompany.webs.com
A list of the things on there for sale are:
shirts: at least 20 different shirts.
and now boxers.
I do not know if they will be bringing back the hats or sweatshirts because they currently say sold out but if they do I plan on purchasing those quickly.
-Jaxon-
These 2 people are amazing in what they do, they hand make the shirts, and they are now even traveling to pride events, and the Philly Trans Health Conference (which is this weekend June 13-15). I purchase 2 shirts from their throwback collections which are 50% off. They also offer for people who cannot afford a binder a way to get one with no charge because people have donated ones that were either too small or large for them, or no longer needed since surgery. Once a year they take I believe 75 % if not more to one person a who enters to win the money towards their top surgery. I believe this is amazing that people who take time out of their day to do things to make another's life better is rare and should be acknowledged. I have watched everyone of Aydian's YouTube video's under ALionsFear. I personally donated I believe two binders that were way to small for me and will continue to support an amazing company.
The website is: http://www.point5cctshirtcompany.webs.com
A list of the things on there for sale are:
shirts: at least 20 different shirts.
and now boxers.
I do not know if they will be bringing back the hats or sweatshirts because they currently say sold out but if they do I plan on purchasing those quickly.
-Jaxon-
Friday, June 7, 2013
coming out... and being outed.
Coming out is hard once, some of us who are trans have to come out twice. Not saying that everyone who is trans* has come out as gay or lesbian before coming out as Trans*, but the handful on people that I know in person and the other handful of people that I watch on YouTube all seem to say that they had to have a second coming out. When I was 18 I told my step-mother that I was a "lesbian" she than turned and outed me to my entire family before I even walked 5 blocks to my grandmothers house, where I lived ( by the way this was on Mothers Day too). My family said this was a private matter and I should keep it a secret. Now that's where they and I differ. I was at every pride event I could find my way to, I was proud to be out, I thought I had finally figured out why I felt the way I did. After speaking with my friend Chance on multiple occasions about him being trans* I had questioned myself if I was trans*.... After doing years of research in January 2011 I came out to my family and friends that I was trans* and that I would not be answering to she anymore. When my now ex-girlfriend Ashley helped me pick my name I had two names in mind, Jackson Thomas Eclipse or Michael Thomas Eclipse. Thomas had to be in my name because of not only my cousin whom I looked up to but TOMMY the GREEN RANGER/ WHITE RANGER, and Eclipse because I live the Twilight films and when there is a solar eclipse it is just fascinating. When my ex chose Jaxx spelled differently from how I originally wanted to spell it I thought it was a great idea. Soon after I found out she was dating my roommate behind my back and things went south. I met my wife Beth through Chance and she knew about trans* things and was very accepting of me. After I moved to Kentucky, I got into a fight with my ex and she yelled about choosing my name so Beth and I tried to change my name to Evan but it just would not stick to me. Jaxx was the name that stuck because it was a good suit for me. I changed it up so that Jaxx would be short for Jaxon. When I first started YouTube I had made a video where I read a letter that I had wrote about coming out ( the video had to be deleted because of transphobic harassment on youtube). The letter was this :
"To Whom it May Concern:
I first want to thank you all for being here for me through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad. Secondly I want to let you know I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart. I know many if not all have found that I am changing my name from Patricia Beatrice Guyon to Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. What does this mean you may ask. The most this means is that I am beginning to transition myself from female to male. I've always felt like I was in the wrong body, I wasn't going through a tom boy stage. I resisted coming out as transgender since I was about 15-16 years old when I first heard the word. I have already begun a natural supplement to start the transitioning process with. I've done a ton of research and have joined a group that is supporting me emotionally. The group can be found on FaceBook under GENDERFUKBOIZ (which has closed down since). My close friend and Trans Male mentor Chance is the founder of the website. I am not doing this to hurt anyone, just trying to make myself feel more complete. Nothing is really changing inside I've always felt like a man, its just the outside changing. My voice will start to become deeper soon. I am not expecting everyone to just up and immediately call em jaxx or him but i would appreciate at least trying. I know many are either in shock or may be emotionally hurt by my decision but please realize I can no longer live in the mold I was born with. Dad don't think of this as a way to hurt you or make you mad. Think of it as you are getting the son you always wanted. As for the children in the family, I do not plan on telling you what to tell your children or if you'll even let me near them after this but according to PFLAG children don't usually need any type of mental help to make them understand and except transitioning. Some of the older children may need to be reassured its not contagious and hardly ever inherited. Some parents tell their childrem its like a Halloween costume that you can never take off. "
After my step-mother outed me to my whole family I had problems with each of them about my choice to come out and not let my feelings stay hidden. In 2011 I worked for Walmart I was outed by a coworker who found out because she walked into the HR Office when I was talking about which bathroom to use. The HR manager told me that if I was caught using the males rest room I would be fired and fined. I was threatened by customers for using the Female restrooms. I was also threatened by a coworker that he was going to kill me because the workers wanted to start with me and I reported her, and that I was a freak because "i could never be a 'real' man like him".
This is my story. If you would like to share yours feel free to leave it in a comment below.
--Jaxon--
"To Whom it May Concern:
I first want to thank you all for being here for me through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad. Secondly I want to let you know I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart. I know many if not all have found that I am changing my name from Patricia Beatrice Guyon to Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. What does this mean you may ask. The most this means is that I am beginning to transition myself from female to male. I've always felt like I was in the wrong body, I wasn't going through a tom boy stage. I resisted coming out as transgender since I was about 15-16 years old when I first heard the word. I have already begun a natural supplement to start the transitioning process with. I've done a ton of research and have joined a group that is supporting me emotionally. The group can be found on FaceBook under GENDERFUKBOIZ (which has closed down since). My close friend and Trans Male mentor Chance is the founder of the website. I am not doing this to hurt anyone, just trying to make myself feel more complete. Nothing is really changing inside I've always felt like a man, its just the outside changing. My voice will start to become deeper soon. I am not expecting everyone to just up and immediately call em jaxx or him but i would appreciate at least trying. I know many are either in shock or may be emotionally hurt by my decision but please realize I can no longer live in the mold I was born with. Dad don't think of this as a way to hurt you or make you mad. Think of it as you are getting the son you always wanted. As for the children in the family, I do not plan on telling you what to tell your children or if you'll even let me near them after this but according to PFLAG children don't usually need any type of mental help to make them understand and except transitioning. Some of the older children may need to be reassured its not contagious and hardly ever inherited. Some parents tell their childrem its like a Halloween costume that you can never take off. "
After my step-mother outed me to my whole family I had problems with each of them about my choice to come out and not let my feelings stay hidden. In 2011 I worked for Walmart I was outed by a coworker who found out because she walked into the HR Office when I was talking about which bathroom to use. The HR manager told me that if I was caught using the males rest room I would be fired and fined. I was threatened by customers for using the Female restrooms. I was also threatened by a coworker that he was going to kill me because the workers wanted to start with me and I reported her, and that I was a freak because "i could never be a 'real' man like him".
This is my story. If you would like to share yours feel free to leave it in a comment below.
--Jaxon--
STAND TO PEE (STP) and PACKERS US GUYS BEST FRIENDS
How hard is it to have to use the bathroom in public when you have no STP, or going out somewhere in nice fitting jeans and a woman(or man) looking at your crotch for a bulge and you don't have one because your not packing. I know how hard both of these are because I do not pack and I do not use STPs very often because I have problems with shaking, from seizures. I have done some research and come up with a list of packers and STP that are out there on the market. This is only a small selection of them that I have found reviews on.
STPs
STP Fitz
Fenis
Number 1
PeeCock
Pissin' Passin' Packer
Mango-- Reviews I have seen have been that customers have not received products that they have paid for, and have not gotten money returned.
Medicine Spoon
Go Girl
Urinall
The Travel Mate
P Style
Mr. Fenis
The Whiz
Freshette
Lady J
Urinelle
Whizzy
Magic Cone
Soft Packers that I found are
Mr. Limpy
Mr. Right
Masho
Sailor Soft Pack
Private Packer
Bella Soft Packer
Mr. Softie
The Pack and Play packers I have found are
Lola Jake
Reel Magic
Like Real
FTM Prosthetic
Emisil Prosthetic
T2 Prosthetic
The Ultimat Prosthetic
Shilo
Tantus pack and play VIP
Super SOft
Silky
Bendy
Porter
Danny
If you know of any others please feel free to leave them in a comment below.
--jaxon
STPs
STP Fitz
Fenis
Number 1
PeeCock
Pissin' Passin' Packer
Mango-- Reviews I have seen have been that customers have not received products that they have paid for, and have not gotten money returned.
Medicine Spoon
Go Girl
Urinall
The Travel Mate
P Style
Mr. Fenis
The Whiz
Freshette
Lady J
Urinelle
Whizzy
Magic Cone
Soft Packers that I found are
Mr. Limpy
Mr. Right
Masho
Sailor Soft Pack
Private Packer
Bella Soft Packer
Mr. Softie
The Pack and Play packers I have found are
Lola Jake
Reel Magic
Like Real
FTM Prosthetic
Emisil Prosthetic
T2 Prosthetic
The Ultimat Prosthetic
Shilo
Tantus pack and play VIP
Super SOft
Silky
Bendy
Porter
Danny
If you know of any others please feel free to leave them in a comment below.
--jaxon
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
New Segment Of the FTM BLOG.
I want to try out a new idea, If you guys need advice on something, You can either comment in any of the blogs or you can email me at artatitsbest2013@gmail.com, or on facebook under either of the names I will be posting links to on here.
Also, If any MTF's would like to come and help by writing about things they go through email me and we can talk about how to do this. I am trying to find any ways to reach out to any and help the trans* community.
Jaxon
https://www.facebook.com/killerftm - main facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/jaxon.eclipse - page that I am selling my art work at, for help raising money for my transition.
Also, If any MTF's would like to come and help by writing about things they go through email me and we can talk about how to do this. I am trying to find any ways to reach out to any and help the trans* community.
Jaxon
https://www.facebook.com/killerftm - main facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/jaxon.eclipse - page that I am selling my art work at, for help raising money for my transition.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
READ AWAY, TRANS* BOOKS. SO MUCH INFORMATION SO LITTLE TIME.
So many books for transgender, whether it be F.T.M or M.T.F..
I took some time and did some research, I found out there are more books out there than any of us probably realize for our situation. I personally have nine books so far and plan on buying many more. I am going to give a long list at the end of this short entry of books I found just on one website, and that website is http://www.giovannisroom.com/transgender . This store is located in the heart of the gayborhood in Philadelphia, PA. If you are ever down that way you should check it out, they have more than just books, they have everything you can think of pretty much. Their address is 345 south 12th street Philadelphia Pa 19107. I did a small vlog on the books that I do have and thought it would be good to share it here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln47egZr-jc
So here is the list of books I have first.
My gender workbook by Kate Bornstein
Trans Liberation: Beyond pink or blue by Leslie Feinberg
Nina here nor there: My journey beyond Gender by Nick Krieger
Trans Gender Warriors:Making history from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg
Get That Freak: Homophobia and Transphobia in High Schools. by Rebecca Haskell and Brian Burtch
Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
Crybaby Butch by Judith Frank
Transition: The Story of How I Became a Man by Chaz Bono
Books that I am planning on purchasing in the near future are....
Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein
The Testosterone files by Max Wolf Valerio
Gender Outlaws:The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein
The Gender Frontier by Mariette Pathy Allen
Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
The Phallus Palace: FTM Transsexuals by Dean Kotula
Transmen and FTMs by Jason Cromwell
Letters For My Brothers by Megan Rohrer and Zander Keig
Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men by Trystan Theosophus Cotten
Just add Hormones by Matt Kailey
The Bearded Gentleman by Allan Peterkin and Nick Burns
Strength Training Anatomy by Frederic Delavier
Transgender History by Susan Stryker
How Sex Changed by Joanne J Meyerowitz
From Female to Male:The Life of Jack Bee Garland by Lou Sullivan
My New Gender Workbook: A Step by Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivitey by Kate Bornstein
Stuck In The Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders by Jennifer Finney and Anna Quindlen
Becoming Alec by Darwin Ward
Second Son: Transitioning Toward my Destiny, Love and Life by Ryan Sallans
Transgender 101: A simple guide to a complex issue by Nicholas M. Teich, and Jamison Green
Transition:Becoming Who I was always meant to be by Chaz Bono
Trans/Love: Radical sex, love and relationships beyond the gender binary by Morty Diamond, Julia Serano, Shawna Virago, Sassfras Lowrey and Silas Howard.
Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children by diane Ehrensaft and Edgardo Menvielle
Labor Of Love: The Story of One Man's extraordinary pregnancy by Thomas Beatie
Lucky Michaels: Shelter by Lucky michaels
Drag King Dreams by Leslie Feinberg]
Luna by Julie Anne Peters
Transgender Rights by Paisley Currah, Richard M Juang, and Shannon Price Minter
As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl by John Colapinto
All She Wanted By Aphrodite Jones
FTM: Female To Male Transexuals in Society by Holly Devor, and Jamison Green
I could only find books on this subject released dating back to 2004. For only being nine years there is plenty of books and more than what I listed all you have to do is check out the website I posted above along with amazon and ebay and you will find a ton.
If you know of any good ones I have not listed please comment them below
-Jaxon-
I took some time and did some research, I found out there are more books out there than any of us probably realize for our situation. I personally have nine books so far and plan on buying many more. I am going to give a long list at the end of this short entry of books I found just on one website, and that website is http://www.giovannisroom.com/transgender . This store is located in the heart of the gayborhood in Philadelphia, PA. If you are ever down that way you should check it out, they have more than just books, they have everything you can think of pretty much. Their address is 345 south 12th street Philadelphia Pa 19107. I did a small vlog on the books that I do have and thought it would be good to share it here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln47egZr-jc
So here is the list of books I have first.
My gender workbook by Kate Bornstein
Trans Liberation: Beyond pink or blue by Leslie Feinberg
Nina here nor there: My journey beyond Gender by Nick Krieger
Trans Gender Warriors:Making history from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman by Leslie Feinberg
Get That Freak: Homophobia and Transphobia in High Schools. by Rebecca Haskell and Brian Burtch
Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
Crybaby Butch by Judith Frank
Transition: The Story of How I Became a Man by Chaz Bono
Books that I am planning on purchasing in the near future are....
Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein
The Testosterone files by Max Wolf Valerio
Gender Outlaws:The Next Generation by Kate Bornstein
The Gender Frontier by Mariette Pathy Allen
Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green
The Phallus Palace: FTM Transsexuals by Dean Kotula
Transmen and FTMs by Jason Cromwell
Letters For My Brothers by Megan Rohrer and Zander Keig
Hung Jury: Testimonies of Genital Surgery by Transsexual Men by Trystan Theosophus Cotten
Just add Hormones by Matt Kailey
The Bearded Gentleman by Allan Peterkin and Nick Burns
Strength Training Anatomy by Frederic Delavier
Transgender History by Susan Stryker
How Sex Changed by Joanne J Meyerowitz
From Female to Male:The Life of Jack Bee Garland by Lou Sullivan
My New Gender Workbook: A Step by Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivitey by Kate Bornstein
Stuck In The Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders by Jennifer Finney and Anna Quindlen
Becoming Alec by Darwin Ward
Second Son: Transitioning Toward my Destiny, Love and Life by Ryan Sallans
Transgender 101: A simple guide to a complex issue by Nicholas M. Teich, and Jamison Green
Transition:Becoming Who I was always meant to be by Chaz Bono
Trans/Love: Radical sex, love and relationships beyond the gender binary by Morty Diamond, Julia Serano, Shawna Virago, Sassfras Lowrey and Silas Howard.
Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children by diane Ehrensaft and Edgardo Menvielle
Labor Of Love: The Story of One Man's extraordinary pregnancy by Thomas Beatie
Lucky Michaels: Shelter by Lucky michaels
Drag King Dreams by Leslie Feinberg]
Luna by Julie Anne Peters
Transgender Rights by Paisley Currah, Richard M Juang, and Shannon Price Minter
As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl by John Colapinto
All She Wanted By Aphrodite Jones
FTM: Female To Male Transexuals in Society by Holly Devor, and Jamison Green
I could only find books on this subject released dating back to 2004. For only being nine years there is plenty of books and more than what I listed all you have to do is check out the website I posted above along with amazon and ebay and you will find a ton.
If you know of any good ones I have not listed please comment them below
-Jaxon-
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Sex.... Consent... Rape.... and more....
Sex... A topic we all talk about at some point or another. Sex can mean more to some people than it does to some others. For transgender FTMs it is harder subject than for many other males, and harder than it is for some if not most females to talk about. Being diagnosed with PTSD I have a great deal to speak on this with.
Before you jump in bed with anyone you need to be able to communicate with them, get to know them, know what they want, how they want to be treated, do they like certain things or not. For trans* guys like myself you might not like certain words, touches, and your partner would not know this if you do not tell them. Dan Savage has said to use the four magic words, "What do you like"... its not hard to ask because without this you can make your partner freeze up and lose the moment you were in. I am going to say this for the partners ASK THAT BEFORE ANYTHING, YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR TRANS* PARTNER MORE DYSPHORIC THAN THEY MAY ALREADY BE. I dont wanna sound like a douche with this, I just want to get my point across.
Make sure you have consent from both you and your partner before doing anything. If you or the other person are under the influence of drugs or alcohol the better thing to do is not to have sex. You don't know if they or you will remember giving consent, did you use protection, and if the partner was drunk or high when giving consent, they can say they did not give consent and claim they were raped.
In 2008 my neighbor, in a city apartment, broke into my apartment after I had been out drinking with friends across the street and he raped me. I was still under the legal drinking age, and when I reported it to the hospital I was sat in a room by myself for 8 hours waiting for a transfer by police to a hospital that could do the rape kit because METHODIST hospital in Philadelphia did not have the equipment to do it. When I arrived at Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia I waited another Hour. By this time the sample they got was small and unable to be positively tested against the guy. The Special Victims Detective took my statement and the clothing I was wearing. After 6 months I was called to court to testify against my neighbor, they called my friends in to collaborate with him that I was drunk and that I could not be trusted, because of pass use of Weed, and Cocaine. My case was thrown out and I was told I had to attend drug and alcohol counseling for a year. The point of me telling you this story of my life is that I personally had this experience and when I reported it, my past use of drugs ruined my life, I was the person who could not be trusted and kicked out of my apartment onto the streets.
Things many do not think of this when in bed, but have you noticed you mention things in a sexual way when things are getting heated up?
For your transmale partner, he may want you to not touch or mention his chest if he is pre operation, and if he is not bottom dysphoric and lets you mess around down there and you wanna talk about it when you are having foreplay he may want you to call is dick, and talk about how hard he is... not what is really there.
--Jaxon--'
PS... People do not be shy, if you see anything you want to comment on feel free
Before you jump in bed with anyone you need to be able to communicate with them, get to know them, know what they want, how they want to be treated, do they like certain things or not. For trans* guys like myself you might not like certain words, touches, and your partner would not know this if you do not tell them. Dan Savage has said to use the four magic words, "What do you like"... its not hard to ask because without this you can make your partner freeze up and lose the moment you were in. I am going to say this for the partners ASK THAT BEFORE ANYTHING, YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR TRANS* PARTNER MORE DYSPHORIC THAN THEY MAY ALREADY BE. I dont wanna sound like a douche with this, I just want to get my point across.
Make sure you have consent from both you and your partner before doing anything. If you or the other person are under the influence of drugs or alcohol the better thing to do is not to have sex. You don't know if they or you will remember giving consent, did you use protection, and if the partner was drunk or high when giving consent, they can say they did not give consent and claim they were raped.
In 2008 my neighbor, in a city apartment, broke into my apartment after I had been out drinking with friends across the street and he raped me. I was still under the legal drinking age, and when I reported it to the hospital I was sat in a room by myself for 8 hours waiting for a transfer by police to a hospital that could do the rape kit because METHODIST hospital in Philadelphia did not have the equipment to do it. When I arrived at Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia I waited another Hour. By this time the sample they got was small and unable to be positively tested against the guy. The Special Victims Detective took my statement and the clothing I was wearing. After 6 months I was called to court to testify against my neighbor, they called my friends in to collaborate with him that I was drunk and that I could not be trusted, because of pass use of Weed, and Cocaine. My case was thrown out and I was told I had to attend drug and alcohol counseling for a year. The point of me telling you this story of my life is that I personally had this experience and when I reported it, my past use of drugs ruined my life, I was the person who could not be trusted and kicked out of my apartment onto the streets.
Things many do not think of this when in bed, but have you noticed you mention things in a sexual way when things are getting heated up?
For your transmale partner, he may want you to not touch or mention his chest if he is pre operation, and if he is not bottom dysphoric and lets you mess around down there and you wanna talk about it when you are having foreplay he may want you to call is dick, and talk about how hard he is... not what is really there.
--Jaxon--'
PS... People do not be shy, if you see anything you want to comment on feel free
Monday, May 27, 2013
TRANS* MYTHS.....WHY DO THESE THING EXIST....
1. Being transgender is a choice.---- why would someone choose this for their life? The surgeries, the dysphoria, the wrong gendering?? possible one of the stupidest myths ever!
2. Gender and sexuality are the same thing. how is being a male and being straight the same thing?
3. All trans people are men in dresses. umm- i am a man and I am not ever gonna be caught in a dress.
4. Trans people can't have families.- so i dont have a family??? hmm thats news to me I have my wife.
5. Trans people are just transvestites.
6. All trans people are really gay.I am not gay.
7. All trans men are butch/extremely masculine and all trans women are extremely feminine. I am a trans man and I have a feminine
8. All trans women have breast implants.do you not know about hormones?
9. Trans women are all sex workers.i know plenty that aren't
10. Trans women transition just to have access to more sex partners.fucked up to say that someone would change their whole body to a different sex just for more sexual partners.
11. All trans people are male-to-female; female-to-male trans people don't exist...... since when do I not exist? I thought I was a real boy. lol
12. All trans people want surgery. not true, i know of some that never get surgery.
13. You aren't a real trans person if you don't want surgery.not true.. you are trans if you identify as the opposite gender than you were born
14. Being a trans person is extremely rare. I know more trans people than i can count, maybe not in person but if we were counting just knowing in person I could say I know about 10...
15. You aren't really a trans person until you start HRT.Im not a real person... someone pinch me I dont believe it..
16. All trans people are sex addicts.
17. All trans people are interested in sex.
18. Trans women transition because they weren't successful as a male. not true
19. Trans men transition because they weren't successful as a female. i was successful but I was never happy
20. Trans women want equality just so they can sneak into women's bathrooms or other women's-only areas.
21. If you don't feel like your gender was wrong from a very early age, you aren't a real trans person.some people dont know until later in life.
22. It's always just a phase. It can be cured by religion, drugs, peer pressure, etc.if it could be fixed my family would have found a way because i am an embarrassment to them
23. Everyone is trans in the same way.
24. Trans men transition to get male privilege and trans women try to gain female privilege while retaining male privilege.
25. People are trans solely because of poor parental role models.not true. I had role models in every type and i still am trans..
26. People are trans because they aren't religious enough. i grew up catholic, fought with every priest i met. i am Buddhist.
27. Your outer shell defines who you are.if it did im screwed
28. Your genitalia define who you are.hahahhahaha whatever
29. Being transgendered automatically means going to Hell.what if you dont believe in heaven or hell
30. All trans people think/act the same way.
31. Trans people aren't "real" men/women. what is a real man or woman?
32. Only rich, privileged people are transgender.im poorer than dirt and I am trans.
33. Trans people are protected under federal anti-discrimination laws in the U.S. there are trans discrimination laws in some states
34. Trans people can be cured by conversion therapy.for the last time THERE IS NO CURE. JUST LET US TRANSITION
35. Gender is just an abstract concept so transition is not necessary and always misguided.
36. Feminists who believe in deconstructing gender will always support trans women.
37. Cis-gendered people won't keep moving the goalposts as soon as you reach them.
38. People who want GRS are simply amputation fetishists.
39. If you want GRS, this is a type of self-harm or self-mutilation, removing "healthy" tissue.
40. Trans people are just like anorexics - they are simply deluded about their own bodies being "wrong".
41. It is okay to allow transphobia and cissexism to continue because being trans is somehow wrong/evil/sinful.
42. Psychology invented transexualism as a way to make queer and gender non-conforming people into straight, conforming people.
43. Being in an unaltered body is more moral than being in an altered one.
44. Being trans is just like being schizophrenic - they are both just hallucinations and delusions, so transition should be prohibited.
45. Gender is either masculine or feminine; trans people are just confused between the two.
46. There are no religions which accept being trans.
47. Teens and younger people are not old enough to know their gender identity.
48. Trans people are deceiving others about their "true" gender.
49. Your sex can be clearly defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
50. Transsexual, transgender, transvestite and intersex are all the same thing.NOT TRUE
2. Gender and sexuality are the same thing. how is being a male and being straight the same thing?
3. All trans people are men in dresses. umm- i am a man and I am not ever gonna be caught in a dress.
4. Trans people can't have families.- so i dont have a family??? hmm thats news to me I have my wife.
5. Trans people are just transvestites.
6. All trans people are really gay.I am not gay.
7. All trans men are butch/extremely masculine and all trans women are extremely feminine. I am a trans man and I have a feminine
8. All trans women have breast implants.do you not know about hormones?
9. Trans women are all sex workers.i know plenty that aren't
10. Trans women transition just to have access to more sex partners.fucked up to say that someone would change their whole body to a different sex just for more sexual partners.
11. All trans people are male-to-female; female-to-male trans people don't exist...... since when do I not exist? I thought I was a real boy. lol
12. All trans people want surgery. not true, i know of some that never get surgery.
13. You aren't a real trans person if you don't want surgery.not true.. you are trans if you identify as the opposite gender than you were born
14. Being a trans person is extremely rare. I know more trans people than i can count, maybe not in person but if we were counting just knowing in person I could say I know about 10...
15. You aren't really a trans person until you start HRT.Im not a real person... someone pinch me I dont believe it..
16. All trans people are sex addicts.
17. All trans people are interested in sex.
18. Trans women transition because they weren't successful as a male. not true
19. Trans men transition because they weren't successful as a female. i was successful but I was never happy
20. Trans women want equality just so they can sneak into women's bathrooms or other women's-only areas.
21. If you don't feel like your gender was wrong from a very early age, you aren't a real trans person.some people dont know until later in life.
22. It's always just a phase. It can be cured by religion, drugs, peer pressure, etc.if it could be fixed my family would have found a way because i am an embarrassment to them
23. Everyone is trans in the same way.
24. Trans men transition to get male privilege and trans women try to gain female privilege while retaining male privilege.
25. People are trans solely because of poor parental role models.not true. I had role models in every type and i still am trans..
26. People are trans because they aren't religious enough. i grew up catholic, fought with every priest i met. i am Buddhist.
27. Your outer shell defines who you are.if it did im screwed
28. Your genitalia define who you are.hahahhahaha whatever
29. Being transgendered automatically means going to Hell.what if you dont believe in heaven or hell
30. All trans people think/act the same way.
31. Trans people aren't "real" men/women. what is a real man or woman?
32. Only rich, privileged people are transgender.im poorer than dirt and I am trans.
33. Trans people are protected under federal anti-discrimination laws in the U.S. there are trans discrimination laws in some states
34. Trans people can be cured by conversion therapy.for the last time THERE IS NO CURE. JUST LET US TRANSITION
35. Gender is just an abstract concept so transition is not necessary and always misguided.
36. Feminists who believe in deconstructing gender will always support trans women.
37. Cis-gendered people won't keep moving the goalposts as soon as you reach them.
38. People who want GRS are simply amputation fetishists.
39. If you want GRS, this is a type of self-harm or self-mutilation, removing "healthy" tissue.
40. Trans people are just like anorexics - they are simply deluded about their own bodies being "wrong".
41. It is okay to allow transphobia and cissexism to continue because being trans is somehow wrong/evil/sinful.
42. Psychology invented transexualism as a way to make queer and gender non-conforming people into straight, conforming people.
43. Being in an unaltered body is more moral than being in an altered one.
44. Being trans is just like being schizophrenic - they are both just hallucinations and delusions, so transition should be prohibited.
45. Gender is either masculine or feminine; trans people are just confused between the two.
46. There are no religions which accept being trans.
47. Teens and younger people are not old enough to know their gender identity.
48. Trans people are deceiving others about their "true" gender.
49. Your sex can be clearly defined by your chromosomes and/or hormones.
50. Transsexual, transgender, transvestite and intersex are all the same thing.NOT TRUE
What makes a Family...
If you ask any number of adults who go to church and live a "normal" life they will point a family is a man and women who get married, and have children. Some people may say we do not fit in such a family. Families can be shaken to the core with the slightest little effort. We do not fit into today's gender assigned roles because we know that our bodies are wrong, and are methods of fixing them are right, when in society's mind we are "perfect" the way we are and "god" (if you believe in one) made you that way.
The roles of family in my perspective and many other trans* people I have met is that yes there is blood family who may or may not except you, may or may not call you by your chosen name, may or may not use correct pronouns, but there is family that you make on your own. Ru Paul said it best at the season finale: us being the way we are.. we "get to choose our family" and those we keep "near" to us. Do you consider someone who publicly ridicules you and your life because you are trans* family? I did, worst mistake of my life, I tried to be there for this person and she completely made my life into her little joke. She even made fun of our Trans* sisters who are street workers because in her words "Its wrong for trannies to work the street like a normal woman." I went from calm cool and collected to a raving maniac when I seen that posted on facebook. I told her how disrespectful it was for her to use that term, and how she was disrespecting people who are my family. I got this as an email when I first came out. (the *** is my former name, this individual is one who refuses to change to see me as their male cousin) r u serious *** writing shit like that on fb to me like i dont care about what are never did ight i had to fight for you all high school my point was think of your family and gmom seeing that ... noone is embarased by u ok but you dont need to share the details with the whole fb
I have been since told that I am worthless, no good, a loser, and that I was dead, most of which came straight outta my fathers mouth. I lost my mother at the age of 5 but I know she would accept me for who I am because her cousins and some of her family have accepted me. I have a brother who does not dare ever speak my name that he knows me by because he does not want to listen to me as he has a cousin of ours that told every one on my mothers side that I was a junkie and trying to rob my grandfather. (I also have 2 half brothers that are younger than me)
I have 2 stepbrother -one dead(thankfully) and one who is alive and changing his ways daily. The one who died, had sexually assaulted me everyday from the age of 5 to the age of 8.The one who is alive, put me in an oven and was a member of the KKK. My grandmother had gotten me from a bad situation but it did not get easier than.I did not have a childhood. I was a book worm because I had to be. I wasn't allowed away from the house, I began to drink when I was very young because my uncle would give me Windsor Whiskey and I would chase it with water.
Is it family to watch you go down hill and not help? No. My family seen my troubles, seen how bad I was hurting, in 2008 and was on the street because of weed and coke use,and alcohol, I asked for help they wouldn't. It took one of my very best friends Austin to help me. He helped me clean myself off the coke, but the alcohol and weed were a daily thing for us.I was accused of stealing money from a friend Jay, and was kicked back out on the streets. I seen my father as I was standing on a corner with my stuff and not a place to go. He let me stay in his living room for about a month, I started working and he didn't like that I was not giving him my check as I was trying to save for a place of my own. He hit me with a crutch across my back and told me to never come back there again. I called a coworker that I had became great friends Anne and her roommate Keith, I asked if I could rent space from them because Anne had just gotten fired because Kmart was closing and they needed the help with rent. Thankfully a friend rescued me.
In 2010 I went to Norwalk, Ohio to meet Audrianna that I had become partners with online through myspace. Anne was holding my stuff because I was planning on only being 2 weeks. I was beat very badly out there by Audi (as she called herself.) I called my family from there and begged for help my uncle who got me drinking came but told me he could only help me with 50 dollars because he was going across the states for work and couldn't take me with him. My father and the rest of my family wouldn't help get me out of there. Audi took the 50 dollars my uncle gave me and snapped my cell phone in half. I used the neighbors phone to call Anne who at this time had to find a new place for my stuff and thankfully our friend Chance had taken it to keep it safe. Anne paid for the ticket to get me back to Philadelphia pa and than met me to take me back to norristown where we were living. It was hard traveling back around strangers after what had happened and I was crying because I didn't know if I was going to have a place to stay when I got back. I couldn't even be around people I did not know without Anne around for the longest time because I was scared and would have my back to the wall crying. Anne was like my sister. Chance was like my brother, when I got back he was one of the first people I had seen, when Anne took me to a bar to see if I could be around people.
In 2011 I had finally calmed down enough to try to start talking to people again. Amanda S. played me for a fool after meeting her online, Ashley H. and Anne had dated around the same time me and Amanda S. were, Ashley H. tried to be my friend when Amanda hurt me and when she felt it could be more she told me she dumped Anne for me. Well after a month or 2 I found out she was still dating anne while with me. They were playing games with my head. Finally after all the wasted time I found Beth, through Chance as a mutual friend on facebook and we hit it off well, except I fucked up in the beginning because I never thought it would work because there is an 11 year age difference and was thousand of miles between us(i think) I had cheated with a girl who was not worth it. Joanne... Beth found out and we have had our spouts about it and we have come out stronger because of it.
What I am trying to say with this long ramble is that I've shown what blood family can do for you and to you as well as what chosen family can do for you and to you. Beth and I are getting married, She supports all my transition and has helped out with my family issues.
--Jaxon--
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Introduction.. Jaxon
My name is Jaxon, I am a 25 year old transgender male. I have not started Hormone Replacement Therapy (H.R.T.). I am doing this blog to help people with everything they may have questions on. I also do a YouTube channel. I have a beautiful wife,Beth, who is may help by doing blogs about the partners point of view with how partners feel with things said to them about their transgender partner.
I am originally from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and now live in Shelbyville, Kentucky with my wife and her parents. We are planning on moving to Louisville, Kentucky at some point in the near future. I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (P.T.S.D.), general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. I have been through a lot in my past. In short, I have lost my mother at 5 years old, I have had an abusive upbringing, and sexual assaults. In 2008 I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor who broke into my apartment, than in 2010 I was in a very bad relationship and I had been beaten very badly.
I will get into each topic a little more in detail as well as other topics that you and others have come to me with. I have a list and more keep coming with time. I hope you all find this page to be interesting and helpful to answer questions that you may have.
--Jaxon--
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