Sex... A topic we all talk about at some point or another. Sex can mean more to some people than it does to some others. For transgender FTMs it is harder subject than for many other males, and harder than it is for some if not most females to talk about. Being diagnosed with PTSD I have a great deal to speak on this with.
Before you jump in bed with anyone you need to be able to communicate with them, get to know them, know what they want, how they want to be treated, do they like certain things or not. For trans* guys like myself you might not like certain words, touches, and your partner would not know this if you do not tell them. Dan Savage has said to use the four magic words, "What do you like"... its not hard to ask because without this you can make your partner freeze up and lose the moment you were in. I am going to say this for the partners ASK THAT BEFORE ANYTHING, YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR TRANS* PARTNER MORE DYSPHORIC THAN THEY MAY ALREADY BE. I dont wanna sound like a douche with this, I just want to get my point across.
Make sure you have consent from both you and your partner before doing anything. If you or the other person are under the influence of drugs or alcohol the better thing to do is not to have sex. You don't know if they or you will remember giving consent, did you use protection, and if the partner was drunk or high when giving consent, they can say they did not give consent and claim they were raped.
In 2008 my neighbor, in a city apartment, broke into my apartment after I had been out drinking with friends across the street and he raped me. I was still under the legal drinking age, and when I reported it to the hospital I was sat in a room by myself for 8 hours waiting for a transfer by police to a hospital that could do the rape kit because METHODIST hospital in Philadelphia did not have the equipment to do it. When I arrived at Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia I waited another Hour. By this time the sample they got was small and unable to be positively tested against the guy. The Special Victims Detective took my statement and the clothing I was wearing. After 6 months I was called to court to testify against my neighbor, they called my friends in to collaborate with him that I was drunk and that I could not be trusted, because of pass use of Weed, and Cocaine. My case was thrown out and I was told I had to attend drug and alcohol counseling for a year. The point of me telling you this story of my life is that I personally had this experience and when I reported it, my past use of drugs ruined my life, I was the person who could not be trusted and kicked out of my apartment onto the streets.
Things many do not think of this when in bed, but have you noticed you mention things in a sexual way when things are getting heated up?
For your transmale partner, he may want you to not touch or mention his chest if he is pre operation, and if he is not bottom dysphoric and lets you mess around down there and you wanna talk about it when you are having foreplay he may want you to call is dick, and talk about how hard he is... not what is really there.
--Jaxon--'
PS... People do not be shy, if you see anything you want to comment on feel free
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