Coming out is hard once, some of us who are trans have to come out twice. Not saying that everyone who is trans* has come out as gay or lesbian before coming out as Trans*, but the handful on people that I know in person and the other handful of people that I watch on YouTube all seem to say that they had to have a second coming out. When I was 18 I told my step-mother that I was a "lesbian" she than turned and outed me to my entire family before I even walked 5 blocks to my grandmothers house, where I lived ( by the way this was on Mothers Day too). My family said this was a private matter and I should keep it a secret. Now that's where they and I differ. I was at every pride event I could find my way to, I was proud to be out, I thought I had finally figured out why I felt the way I did. After speaking with my friend Chance on multiple occasions about him being trans* I had questioned myself if I was trans*.... After doing years of research in January 2011 I came out to my family and friends that I was trans* and that I would not be answering to she anymore. When my now ex-girlfriend Ashley helped me pick my name I had two names in mind, Jackson Thomas Eclipse or Michael Thomas Eclipse. Thomas had to be in my name because of not only my cousin whom I looked up to but TOMMY the GREEN RANGER/ WHITE RANGER, and Eclipse because I live the Twilight films and when there is a solar eclipse it is just fascinating. When my ex chose Jaxx spelled differently from how I originally wanted to spell it I thought it was a great idea. Soon after I found out she was dating my roommate behind my back and things went south. I met my wife Beth through Chance and she knew about trans* things and was very accepting of me. After I moved to Kentucky, I got into a fight with my ex and she yelled about choosing my name so Beth and I tried to change my name to Evan but it just would not stick to me. Jaxx was the name that stuck because it was a good suit for me. I changed it up so that Jaxx would be short for Jaxon. When I first started YouTube I had made a video where I read a letter that I had wrote about coming out ( the video had to be deleted because of transphobic harassment on youtube). The letter was this :
"To Whom it May Concern:
I first want to thank you all for being here for me through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad. Secondly I want to let you know I love you all dearly from the bottom of my heart. I know many if not all have found that I am changing my name from Patricia Beatrice Guyon to Jaxx Thomas Eclipse. What does this mean you may ask. The most this means is that I am beginning to transition myself from female to male. I've always felt like I was in the wrong body, I wasn't going through a tom boy stage. I resisted coming out as transgender since I was about 15-16 years old when I first heard the word. I have already begun a natural supplement to start the transitioning process with. I've done a ton of research and have joined a group that is supporting me emotionally. The group can be found on FaceBook under GENDERFUKBOIZ (which has closed down since). My close friend and Trans Male mentor Chance is the founder of the website. I am not doing this to hurt anyone, just trying to make myself feel more complete. Nothing is really changing inside I've always felt like a man, its just the outside changing. My voice will start to become deeper soon. I am not expecting everyone to just up and immediately call em jaxx or him but i would appreciate at least trying. I know many are either in shock or may be emotionally hurt by my decision but please realize I can no longer live in the mold I was born with. Dad don't think of this as a way to hurt you or make you mad. Think of it as you are getting the son you always wanted. As for the children in the family, I do not plan on telling you what to tell your children or if you'll even let me near them after this but according to PFLAG children don't usually need any type of mental help to make them understand and except transitioning. Some of the older children may need to be reassured its not contagious and hardly ever inherited. Some parents tell their childrem its like a Halloween costume that you can never take off. "
After my step-mother outed me to my whole family I had problems with each of them about my choice to come out and not let my feelings stay hidden. In 2011 I worked for Walmart I was outed by a coworker who found out because she walked into the HR Office when I was talking about which bathroom to use. The HR manager told me that if I was caught using the males rest room I would be fired and fined. I was threatened by customers for using the Female restrooms. I was also threatened by a coworker that he was going to kill me because the workers wanted to start with me and I reported her, and that I was a freak because "i could never be a 'real' man like him".
This is my story. If you would like to share yours feel free to leave it in a comment below.
--Jaxon--
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